Darius’s story: support for a struggling father

Darius* felt overwhelmed. He was divorced and facing assault charges after a physical altercation with his ex-wife. His emotions were swirling: anger and disappointment with himself, sadness about the end of his relationship, and anxiety about how to parent his kids during their visits with him. (His ex-wife had always been the nurturer.) Then the Catholic Children’s Aid Society of Toronto (CCAS) offered vital support through the pilot Male Engagement Worker Program, a past program formerly funded by the Catholic Children’s Aid Foundation (CCAF).

Your donations assisted fathers to better support their children

The Male Engagement Worker Program (MEW) was created to support the children of men in the 30-40% of referral cases where a child welfare involvement stems from intimate partner violence (IPV). The MEW pilot was based on data indicating that child welfare workers don’t often consult fathers and male caregivers, despite the important role they can play in children’s development. The tendency to exclude men is even more pronounced when the male caregiver has been abusive.

Darius was one of 168 fathers who connected with Male Engagement Workers at CCAS during the pilot. Kelvin Asamoah-Brempong, a CCAS Child Protection Worker, provided counseling and enrolled Darius in a parenting program to build skills and emotional intelligence. Fathers learned to foster safer home environments in one-on-one conversations, safety planning, and the Catholic Family Services of Toronto’s “Being a Dad” parenting program.

Addressing trauma and reducing violence

Dedicated male staff are trained in anti-racist and trauma-informed best practices, so they can acknowledge fathers’ experiences. This support was a game-changer for Darius and others, says Asamoah-Brempong. “Some men have trauma themselves. They often begin the program by blaming everyone. Then they begin to understand how they could have done better, and by the end, they’re asking for ongoing support. They’re excited to speak to another man who can help them steer through challenges.” 

Some are also dealing with mental health or addictions issues. “Many women won’t leave, so if we can have a conversation with the dad, we’re better able to plan for the safety of the children and family,” says Silvie Sousa-Cutulle, a CCAS Child Protection Supervisor.

Program promoted spirituality, equality and stronger families

Faith also plays a role. In the Being A Dad program, fathers reflect on their faith and values. The assistance that Darius received has helped him navigate—and enjoy—solo parenting. He’s better at listening to his kids and likes taking them for walks and ice cream.

“Children have two parents who will hopefully be in their lives forever,” says Sousa-Cutulle. “So, let’s offer both parents support.”

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.